the following is a post I wote a year ago, UPDATE: my friend Jen bought me an apron and then I went back to work and ran out of time to wear it.
The BERNATA PROJECT…becoming a throwback mom
It started with Throwback Mountain Dew. Just after January 1 when everyone I know was giving up sugar…apparently carbs are ok now? Its just the sugar? fair enough…I came across Throwback Mountain Dew “made with real sugar”. Hmmm? What’s this now? We are advertising something is made with real sugar? And I immediately think “oh that no sugar diet is like so 5 minutes ago. It’s the no high fructose corn syrup diet people should be trying” maybe a little sugar is ok, just like a little butter is ok, after all back in the day, before everyone was fat, they ate sugar and butter, not Splenda and Promise. Sugar and butter are total throwback foods. By the way, do you love how “throwback” is the new “old school”? It’s so old school to say old school. And did I say “back in the day” before? That was positively retro of me.
And then along came Bernata. That’s a lady’s name. Isn’t it fabulous? I love saying it. A few days after the Mountain Dew, I was at my husband’s grandpa’s funeral “after party” (that was just a shout out to my friend Mimsey-yes that’s her name and yes she is also fabulous,- who recently pointed out that everyone calls the gathering after a funeral an “after party” but uses quotes so as not to be offensive). ANYHOO…my father in law and his cousins were reminiscing about their childhood and their moms, who were all sisters, and neighbors. When they spoke of the sister named Bernata, they mentioned how she always wore a dress or skirt, always an apron, never any shoes and she was always baking something. The cousins all remembered going down the street to her house to taste whatever treats she had made. How wonderful! How delicious! How old school! I was immediately reminded how tragic it is that I don’t own an apron. I have always wanted an apron. This is first on my list of things to do tomorrow- buy an apron. A really, really cute one. I want to be just like Bernata. But I just don’t think I can embrace the skirt thing. I like my jeans. I have lots of super cute jeans. And as much as I want to be barefoot, my butt looks cuter in my jeans if I wear a shoe with a heel. Soooo, I will be just like Bernata, but in jeans, with an apron that doesn’t cover my butt. Because my husband likes it. OMG- it now occurs to me that an apron WILL cover my stomach. This is the accessory I’ve been looking for all my life. The real conclusion here- I’m getting an apron. Hopefully that will inspire me to cook yummy buttery, sugary things. I’d love for my kids to come home to a mom like that. The neighborhood kids showing up at the door? Well, we’ll see.
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